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While walking I noticed the scars on my arm were not as tan as the rest of my arm. The scars were fully healed, but I still remember how the fresh wounds looked like. That moment I lift up the razorblade and felt the blood rolling on my arm. Those moments I could almost feel the actual release of endorphins in my brain. It made me feel like there was still happiness out there, the power of control, the moment I felt like everything else didn’t matter anymore, the purge . . . It still made me shiver, nearly as much as it made me back then. I obliged myself to see, this journey was a better way of gaining that absolute power.